Adventures of Humphrey

December 30, 2025

**30th December – The Ultimate Betrayal**

They did it again. I am *appalled*. Fellow readers, I cannot believe the audacity — **they took me to the vets on holiday**. On. Holiday. Let me be very clear: **I am not sick**. I do not understand why this keeps happening.

At first, I was confused. This didn’t look like a normal vet. It was in a beautiful French building that looked like an apartment block. I almost relaxed… until I spotted a man in a tunic with a metal contraption hanging around his neck (*stethoscope* — I know the enemy). Then a dog walked past with a bandaged leg and the penny dropped.

The deception from the hoomans was next level.

Soon it was our turn. We entered the room. The man tried to come near me. I immediately retreated behind Dad and began shaking — a perfectly reasonable response. He attempted to bribe me with a treat. Absolutely not, mate. I am not that easily fooled.

Eventually, Dad grabbed me and held me while the man checked me over. Thankfully, there was **no thermometer** this time (a

small mercy), but then he tried to **poison me** by shoving something down my throat and holding my mouth closed until I swallowed it. The humiliation. The lack of dignity. I will never emotionally recover.

He stamped my passport (rude, but necessary, I suppose), and then we were finally free. I exited that building as fast as my paws could carry me. The hoomans had the nerve to call me a *drama queen*. Honestly.

Thankfully, they attempted to redeem themselves by taking me for a stroll and a coffee stop, where I was supplied with treats — clearly guilt-driven. We then headed back to the apartment for a rest, which I most definitely needed after that ordeal.

Later, we headed out again. Mum went shopping in some snooty shop that *didn’t allow dogs*. How rude. So Dad and I went for a walk while she spent my inheritance.

That’s when we encountered something truly disturbing: a strange creature with a pointy nose and a long tail. Very ugly. Dad jumped and immediately took a detour. He said it was a *rat*. That thing looked mean, and I was extremely relieved I didn’t have to deal with that too after my traumatic morning.

Once Mum returned, we went back to chill some more. I was utterly exhausted. Late afternoon, we ventured out again for a gentle walk, picked up dinner for the hoomans, and finally retired to the sofa for the evening.

The hoomans watched a movie. I rested, keeping one eye open. You simply **cannot let your guard down**. Especially on holiday.

I still can’t believe they tricked me into a vet visit.

I Will Never forget.