Adventures of Humphrey

September 17, 2025

** My Big Adventure – Epilogue: Calais -England – Home**

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The Ungodly Hour

The alarm went off at 5am. I thought it was a joke. The spare hooman looked like she’d been woken for a fire drill—grumpy face and all. They loaded the car, Mum groaned that she needed coffee stat!, and I… well, I supervised, obviously. Someone’s got to keep this operation moving.

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Tunnel Time

We drove to the shuttle, which was basically a giant metal cave full of cars. Honestly, not impressed. No fields, no pigeons, no snacks. Just waiting. I gave it two barks out of ten. But then—ZOOM!—we were under the sea and back in England before I’d even finished my morning nap. Magic.

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The Longest Drive Ever

And then… oh boy. Hours and hours of motorway. Stop. Charge. Drive. Repeat. Do you know how boring it is to sit in a car when you’ve already travelled half of Europe? I snoozed. I stretched. I sighed loudly to remind everyone I was suffering. Spare hooman grumbled too, but she doesn’t do it as cutely as me.

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Pit Stops & Snacks

We stopped for coffee (again, always coffee) and sandwiches. I didn’t even get any crumbs, which hardly feels fair after all the emotional support I’ve provided this trip. Still, I strutted proudly at each service station—people could tell I was a well-travelled dog. You don’t get this level of worldly sophistication from the average Labrador.

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Boat

We pulled up at the boat, and straight away I sensed it—more boredom incoming. Then it hit me… oh no. The dreaded separation. After 18.5 days glued to my hoomans’ sides, they were about to abandon me for two whole hours! Panic mode: activated.

They patted me and promised I’d be fine (easy for them to say while trotting off for snacks and sea views). Abandoned! Outrageous. But, silver lining—I seized the chance for some glorious, uninterrupted snoozing. No snoring Dad, no fidgety Mum, Bliss.

And just like that, blink—and they were back. I stretched, wagged, and forgave them instantly. Time for the final leg home!

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Home Sweet Sofa

At last—we pulled up at HOME. My tail nearly wagged itself off. I sprinted inside, straight to my kingdom: the sofa. Oh, how I’d missed you. I rolled, I wriggled, I stretched. Pure bliss. My toys were waiting, my garden was intact, and best of all… no more stairs of doom.

**Final Reflections**
So here ends my grand European adventure:

* I hiked mountains, chased sticks, and conquered forests.
* I braved cows, rivers, rude poodles, and one deranged Belgian rat-dog.
* I discovered the true meaning of bliss: dog parks, forest/mountain hikes, sofas, and a little bit of ice cream.

The hoomans? They weren’t too bad either. Sure, they forgot my raincoat, made me sit outside cafés (with them of course, they would never leave me unattended, I’m precious cargo), and dragged me up scary stairs… but they also gave me fetch, treats, and endless adventures.

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Best & Worst Bits

**Best Part of Coming Home:** My own sofa. No cover. No rules. All mine.
**Worst Part of Coming Home:** Dad says “no more road trips for a while.” Boo.

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Grievances to be rectified next time:
•More sofas, fewer churches.
•No vets on holiday, ever again.
•Daily dog parks are non-negotiable.
•Ice cream rations to be doubled.

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And with that, dear readers, I close the last page of *Humphrey’s Big Adventure*. Thanks for following my paws across Europe. Don’t

worry—I’ll be holding the hoomans to account in their annual performance review. And I’ll be ready, tail wagging, for the next adventure—because this dog was born to roam.

For now: this is Humphrey, world traveller, sofa connoisseur, and fetch champion… signing off.

*Until next time… woof out.*