Adventures of Humphrey

17 June, 2026

Hallo readers,

Last night the hoomans went to bed ridiculously early. It was still bright outside! Honestly, I thought they’d both caught something.

After my mammoth sleep, I woke at a very respectable 8am feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to seize the day.

The hoomans eventually got themselves organised and we headed to a café nearby for breakfast. At first I thought the lady said I wasn’t allowed in. I was preparing my most offended face when it turned out she was actually delighted to have me. As she should be.

While the hoomans were drinking coffee number one (of approximately seventeen for the day), I thought I heard the magical words:

**”Dog park.”**

My ears shot upright.

Surely not.

I decided not to get my hopes up

After breakfast we returned to the apartment, got into the car and headed off. Naturally I assumed we were beginning another long drive.

Then the best thing happened.

We pulled into a park.

Not just any park.

The biggest dog area I have ever seen in my entire life.

Readers, this place went on forever.

Dad launched my ball and I took off like a missile. Mid-chase I spotted a bird and briefly considered a career change as a hunting dog before Dad whistled me back. I returned immediately…

Without the ball.

Minor detail.

When Dad sent me back to retrieve it, a beautiful dog came bouncing towards me. Her name was Naga and we became best friends in approximately three seconds.

We chased each other around the park, sprinted after the ball and generally caused delightful chaos. Whenever we reached the ball at the same time, I graciously allowed her to take possession.

Purely because I’m a gentleman.

Definitely not because she was quicker than me.

Eventually the heat started winning. My tongue was hanging somewhere near my knees and even my enthusiasm was beginning to fade.

A group of tiny whippets arrived and I introduced myself politely, but thankfully nobody wanted to race because I was running dangerously low on horsepower.

Eventually Naga’s hoomans announced they had to go to work.

Work.

Imagine choosing work over the dog park.

We said our emotional goodbyes and headed back towards the car, stopping by a lake so I could cool my paws. It was most refreshing.

Now, readers, here’s where things took a dark turn.

When we left the park, we didn’t drive back towards the apartment.

Interesting.

I assumed the next activity must be even better than the dog park.

I was wrong.

Very wrong.

We pulled up outside a building that looked suspiciously familiar.

I squinted.

My ears lowered.

The scent hit me.

**THE VET.**

The betrayal.

The absolute betrayal.

Inside we sat quietly while I considered my escape options. Then a lady in blue clothes wearing a mask appeared.

Confirmed.

Vet.

I attempted a tactical retreat but the floor was slippier than an ice rink.

Dad dragged me into the room.

Humiliating.

Why was I here?

My toe is better.

I am not sick.

This was clearly a misunderstanding.

The lady tried to examine me. I dodged. She persisted. Eventually she listened to my chest with the cold metal thing and declared me acceptable.

Then Dad produced what can only be described as poison disguised as a tablet and shoved it down my throat.

Apparently it was a worming treatment.

Sounds suspicious.

Thankfully there were no thermometers involved.

As soon as the door opened, I exited at approximately the speed of light.

The hoomans must have felt guilty because next door was a pet shop.

Apparently I was being rewarded for my bravery.

Classic bribery.

Before we even entered, I discovered bowls of complimentary kibble outside and immediately sampled the local cuisine.

Inside there were strange orange creatures swimming around in giant bowls. I wasn’t entirely convinced they were real.

After a thorough inspection of the merchandise, I selected a new toy, some treats and—most importantly—a new raincoat.

Excellent.

The hoomans’ wallets deserved punishment after that vet stunt.

Back at the apartment I had lunch and enjoyed a brief recovery period before the hoomans announced we were heading back into the city.

Then Dad produced…

**The Halti.**

My old enemy.

For those unfamiliar, the Halti is a face harness specifically designed to prevent me from enthusiastically towing Dad across Europe.

I hate it.

We visited the Handwerkerhof craft market where I was finally released from my shackles. The hoomans stopped for a snack while I lounged dramatically on the pavement pretending I’d endured unimaginable suffering.

It was warm. Very warm.

We wandered through the city centre and I was happily pulling Dad along when he suddenly produced another face contraption and put it on me.

Again.

Honestly, the oppression.

I spent several minutes attempting to remove it with my paws but the thing was stubborn.

Eventually we reached a lovely park full of food stalls, drinks tents and people enjoying the sunshine. The hoomans settled into deckchairs with cold drinks while I stretched out on the grass and enjoyed a spot of sunbathing.

Now this was more my speed.

Later we returned to the apartment before heading out again for Korean food. Thankfully it was dog-friendly.

I immediately charmed the waiter by gently placing my paw on his foot while he took the order.

Professional networking.

After dinner the hoomans tried to visit some trendy outdoor beach bar. Unfortunately the staff said I wasn’t allowed.

Excuse me?

Do they know who I am?

I am Humphrey of *Paws & Passports*.

The VIP.

Clearly they did not.

Fortunately we abandoned that nonsense and returned to the lovely park instead. Much better atmosphere. Families playing games, cyclists cruising past, dogs everywhere, people laughing and relaxing.

Unlike the beach bar where everyone looked like they’d forgotten how to smile.

The hoomans had a final drink while I watched the world go by and admired my fellow hounds.

Eventually we headed back to the apartment.

I was completely exhausted.

The hoomans watched television while I slept through most of it. Then came the final indignity of the day.

Dad woke me up for bedtime constitutionals.

Readers, I was already asleep.

Tomorrow we head to our final overnight stop before home.

I’ll miss the adventures, the mountains, the gelato, the vineyards, the sofas and all the wonderful dogs I’ve met along the way.

But the journey isn’t over yet.

Until tomorrow,

**Humphrey 🐾**