Adventures of Humphrey

18 June, 2026

Hallo readers,

Today was another travel day, which meant the hoomans spent the morning packing while I carried out my usual supervisory duties.

By supervisory duties, I mean following Dad around, standing exactly where he needed to be, and making sure nothing got loaded into the car without me.

Quality control is important.

Once everything was packed, we headed back to the same café as yesterday for breakfast. Naturally, I assumed this would be followed by another visit to that glorious dog park.

I had already mentally prepared several hours of sprinting, chasing and generally behaving like a lunatic.

Sadly, the hoomans crushed my dreams.

Apparently Europe is experiencing an “extreme heatwave” and they informed me there would be absolutely no charging around like a maniac today.

Spoil sports.

So instead, we set off for a four-hour drive to a place called Bonn.

I mostly slept.

It’s what I do best on travel days.

When we finally arrived, the heat hit me like a tennis ball launcher set to maximum power.

Readers, it was HOT.

Not normal hot.

Not “sit in the shade and have a drink” hot.

More like “I have accidentally wandered into the sun” hot.

We checked into our hotel and I immediately began my standard room inspection.

Bed? Present.

Air conditioning? Present.

Sufficient floor space? Present.

Sofa?

**Absent.**

Again.

Honestly, the standards on this trip have been wildly inconsistent.

The hoomans sat outside on the terrace for lunch while Dad got ridiculously excited about the beer, something called Bunch, or Bönnsch, who cares. Meanwhile I melted gracefully onto the cool paving stones beside them and waited for my tongue to return to its normal size.

I genuinely considered whether I might evaporate.

After lunch we wandered through the shaded Hofgarten and down towards the Rhine promenade.

Now when I say “wandered,” what I actually mean is we slowly shuffled through the heat like three survivors crossing a desert.

The walk took about ten minutes.

After those ten minutes I was ready to retire from all physical activity forever.

The hoomans weren’t looking much better.

Even Dad’s enthusiasm levels were dangerously low.

We stopped at a café overlooking the river and spent some time watching ducks paddle about while boats drifted past. It was quite relaxing and, more importantly, involved sitting still.

I approved.

Unfortunately, eventually we had to move again.

The heat at 4:15pm was absolutely ridiculous. Surely that’s illegal somewhere?

We followed the river back towards the city centre, all three of us panting heavily.

Well… mostly me.

Then disaster struck.

The hoomans stopped at a Haribo shop.

The spare hooman was delighted.

Absolutely delighted.

Apparently she needed to “stock up.”

For what, I have no idea. The woman already consumes enough sweets to power a small country.

Dad and I, however, were forced to wait outside.

In the heat.

While the spare hooman happily browsed gummy bears in air-conditioned comfort.

The betrayal was noted.

Eventually she emerged with enough Haribo to survive a minor apocalypse and we headed back towards the hotel.

The moment we entered the room I collapsed dramatically onto the floor in front of the air conditioning.

Pure bliss.

At that moment I didn’t even care that there wasn’t a sofa.

That’s how hot it was.

The air conditioning may actually have saved my life.

Once we’d all cooled down, we ventured into the hotel garden where I resumed my position on the coolest patch of concrete available.

It was 7pm.

Still 33 degrees.

Thirty-three!

Even the pigeons looked exhausted.

Later we headed out for dinner.

The restaurant looked lovely.

Until we realised it had no air conditioning.

Readers, I nearly wept.

By the time the hoomans finished eating, all three of us resembled puddles with legs.

Now, you might think that after spending the entire day melting in the German sunshine, behaving impeccably and suffering through temperatures normally reserved for deserts, I would be rewarded with a small sample of dinner. A chip perhaps. A morsel of chicken. A tiny scrap of sympathy.

Nope.

Not a single bite.

The hoomans devoured their meal while I lay beside the table slowly evaporating. Honestly, the neglect I endure for this blog is astonishing.

I received a dog treat.

A dog treat.

After sweating away approximately half my body weight.

The injustice was almost too much to bear.

We had grand plans to explore the city afterwards, but one look at each other was enough to make the decision.

Absolutely not.

No sightseeing.

No exploring.

No adventures.

Straight back to the hotel.

Back to the glorious, magnificent, life-saving air conditioning.

The rest of the evening was spent recovering in our room while the hoomans watched television and I stretched out on the cool floor, contemplating the many injustices of life.

Tomorrow we head to Rotterdam and then onto the boat.

The adventure is nearly over.

For now, I’m going to enjoy this air conditioning while I still can.

Goodnight readers.

**Humphrey 🐾**