Adventures of Humphrey

19 June, 2026

Well readers, after Dad practically *dragged* me outside for my evening constitutionals last night (the betrayal), I collapsed into bed and didn’t move a muscle until morning. Honestly, it was so hot outside I briefly considered becoming an indoor dog permanently.

The hoomans packed up our things while I supervised from a safe distance, then we headed out for breakfast. It was already roasting. Since sunshine is a rare and precious commodity back home, I took the opportunity to work on my tan while the hoomans sat drinking not one, but *two* coffees waiting for their food. Breakfast took forever. I could have completed a full nap cycle and still had time left over.

It’s a shame Bonn was so hot because I had heard rumours of a dog park. Sadly, I never got to investigate. I shall have to return one day and provide a proper review.

Then it was back into the car for the long drive to Rotterdam.

And when I say long, readers, I mean **LONG**.

Today and tomorrow, according to the hoomans, are “travel days.” Translation: Humphrey sits in a car while everyone else gets excited about roads.

To break up the journey we stopped in a place called **Gouda** in the Netherlands. It was actually quite pretty, with little canals running through the town and a lovely breeze coming off the water. Considering it was **34 degrees**, that breeze may have saved my life.

We found a shady spot beside a museum café for lunch and I was perfectly content lounging beside the hoomans, watching the world go by. Unfortunately, they then decided we should walk further into town.

In thirty-four degree heat.

The decision-making skills of these people continue to concern me.

We wandered through the centre, all three of us slowly melting. Dad had gone pink, Mum was glowing suspiciously, and I was panting so hard I thought my tongue might detach completely.

Thankfully we discovered a gelato shop.

The hoomans ordered ice cream while I continued roasting on the pavement like a furry baked potato. However, after recognising that I have been the most exceptionally well-behaved dog on this entire trip, they rewarded me with the ends of their ice creams *and* the cones.

Normally I would savour such a delicacy.

Not today.

I inhaled them.

Gone in seconds.

After that we made a tactical retreat to the air-conditioned car before any of us expired from the heat.

A little later we arrived at the port.

Now here’s something I didn’t know: dogs apparently have their own VIP check-in entrance. I breezed through security in about five minutes. The hoomans, meanwhile, were left sitting in the car for ages dealing with queues.

Finally, justice.

Once checked in, we boarded the ferry. For a brief and terrifying moment I thought I was about to be abandoned in the car overnight. My panic levels rose immediately.

Thankfully Dad clipped on my lead and said the magic words:

“Come on, Humphrey.”

Relief.

We headed up to our cabin. I’d forgotten how tiny these things are. You couldn’t swing a cat in there. Two beds, a narrow walkway and just enough room for my bed squeezed in between.

Also…

No sofa.

A national tragedy.

The cabin smelled strongly of previous doggos, which was mildly concerning but at least confirmed I wasn’t the first canine to survive these conditions.

The hoomans took me out to the designated dog exercise area. I had a quick look around and immediately declined participation. A refined gentleman such as myself does not simply perform on command in a glorified fenced corner.

I have standards.

Back in the cabin, the hoomans gave me the new toy I’d picked out at the pet shop. At last, some decent customer service.

I settled down with my prize and resumed my most important responsibility:

**Guard Duty.**

Someone has to keep these two safe.

Tomorrow we’ll wake up in England and begin the final journey home.

I’m excited to see my own bed again… but if I’m honest, I’m a little sad this adventure is nearly over.

Still, one more day to go.

Signing off from somewhere in the North Sea,

**Captain Humphrey**
Protector of Cabins, Destroyer of Ice Cream Cones, First of His Name. 🐾