Adventures of Humphrey

31st May, 2026

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Guten tag readers!

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Last night I performed what may have been my finest security shift to date. Honestly, the hoomans are incredibly lucky to have me. I gruffed suspiciously at noises until 11:30pm, successfully thwarted intruders at 2:30am and again at 4:30am, then finally woke Mum properly at 6:30am with a large wet lick directly to the face.Who needs an alarm clock when you have me?You’re welcome.

I have to say though, travelling by boat in a cabin is vastly superior to being abandoned in the car dungeon for hours. I slept safely beside the hoomans, guarded them all night, and had easy access to emergency face licking. Frankly, I’m beginning to suspect they may have been using cabins all along while I sat alone in car parks on previous holidays. If true, there will be consequences.

Once we escaped the boat, we sat in a gigantic queue while the hoomans got their passports checked. It took approximately one hundred years. I expressed my feelings through several dramatic yawns and loud sighs.

Eventually we were released into the Netherlands, where the driving began.

And continued.

And continued.

And somehow continued some more.

At the first charging stop, I practically launched myself out of the car. Finally! Fresh air! Stretchy legs! A walk perhaps?

Nope.

Coffee.

We drove across entire countries… for coffee.

Honestly, we could’ve stayed at home and gone to Applegreen ten minutes from our house if that’s all they wanted. The hoomans had coffees and sweet treats while I received one single dog biscuit before being bundled back into the car for another eternity of motorway suffering.

The next charging stop was complete chaos. The place was packed with cars waiting everywhere. Dad finally spotted a charger and parked nearby to wait his turn while Mum took me for a little walk.

When we returned… DRAMA.

Some cheeky BMW driver had sneaked into Dad’s spot. Ohhhh, readers… the spare hooman was not happy. She marched straight over and told him exactly what she thought of his queue-jumping behaviour.

I immediately put my head down, avoided eye contact, and made myself the best behaved dog in Germany. Dad sat silently in the car pretending not to know either of us while the man sheepishly moved.

Honestly, I was mortified.

Once the man moved, peace was restored, and I wisely kept my nose clean for the rest of the stop. One does not mess with the spare hooman when she’s angry.

After another tiny stroll, we got back in the car for the final drive of the day. The weather was warm, my paws were tired, and all this travelling is exhausting work for a handsome young gentleman like myself, so I curled up and fell fast asleep. I need my rest if I’m expected to continue overnight security operations.

When I finally woke up, we had arrived somewhere called Rothenburg ob der Tauber, a beautiful old walled medieval town in Germany. The hoomans kept gasping and saying things like, “Wow, it’s like stepping into a fairytale!” Personally, I thought it looked like somewhere that desperately needed a large grassy dog park. Mum was beside herself with excitement, pointing at old buildings every five seconds while I politely pretended to care.

We checked into the Prinzhotel. The room was lovely and big, even a fancy corner room… the hoomans kept commenting on what a good boy I had been all day in the car, which is absolutely true and deserved to be acknowledged, but there was one major issue.

No sofa.

Regular readers will know this is below acceptable standards. I expect better from the hoomans by now.

Then the heavens opened.

Then came thunder and lightning! The sky flashed and boomed dramatically, but did I panic? Absolutely not. Gundogs are brave and noble creatures. I was far more concerned about getting my paws wet in the rain than the actual storm. Priorities.
So we sensibly waited out the storm in the room before heading out to dinner.

Eventually we ventured into town for burgers and beer. Dad definitely deserved a beer after driving approximately the length of the earth today. The hoomans devoured burgers, chips, and local German beers while I received — you guessed it — another boring dog treat.

Not one chip tossed my direction.

The disrespect!

After dinner we wandered around the town while Mum admired every single flower box and cobbled street like she’d never seen a building before. I posed for photos because I’m generous like that, but honestly the whole place was a bit dull.

Where are the forests?
The mountains?
The giant fields for zoomies?

Finally, the hoomans stopped at a local pub for a “nightcap.” Apparently I’m still “too young” for beer. Age discrimination if you ask me. At last we headed back to the hotel where I collapsed on the floor absolutely exhausted from a hard day of travelling, guarding, supervising, and surviving public family embarrassment. I have the night shift to attend too but I’m so tired.

Tomorrow had better involve an actual adventure.

Or at minimum… a sofa.