Adventures of Humphrey

01 June, 2026

So… I’ll be honest with you readers, I did *not* perform my finest night shift last night.

I barked once at a suspicious noise, Dad immediately shouted, “Humphrey, enough!” then slammed the window shut. After that the room got far too warm, my eyelids became heavy, and before I knew it… morning had arrived. Honestly, one tiny lapse in security and suddenly everyone’s alive and well anyway. Typical.

I remembered Mum saying the night before that she wanted to get up early to photograph one of the town gates before it got busy, so at exactly 7am I shoved my face directly into hers to wake her. You’re welcome, spare hooman. She groaned dramatically, but eventually dragged herself out of bed and took me outside.

We wandered through the sleepy streets while Mum snapped photos of the giant old gate. Personally, I thought there were still far too many people wandering around for that hour of the morning. Very suspicious behaviour if you ask me.

When we got back to the hotel, I assumed it was obviously breakfast time. Nope. Mum told me to “go lie down.” Excuse me? I had already worked a partial night shift *and* escorted her through medieval Germany before sunrise. The disrespect.

Eventually, around 8:30am, the rest of the hoomans surfaced and we headed to a bakery for breakfast. Now I must say, the Germans are an excellent bunch when it comes to doggos because I was allowed *inside*. Finally, a country with proper priorities.

After breakfast we explored the town some more and headed towards the castle gardens which, readers, were *far* more my vibe. Lovely grass, shady trees, birds fluttering around, and approximately one million interesting smells. Much better than cobbles and souvenir shops.

Then we climbed the steep wooden steps up onto the old city walls. I actually loved this bit. We were high above the streets, walking through cool shaded passageways overlooking the rooftops below. Dad pointed out our hotel from the top, though frankly I was more interested in sniffing every corner like a proper explorer.

But THEN… the best bit happened.

We left the city walls behind and suddenly—FOREST PATHS!

Actual proper nature!

I was allowed off lead and flew through the meadows and trees like a majestic woodland creature. There were birds chirping, leaves rustling, and endless places to sniff. We hiked down towards the River Tauber and readers… it was HOT.

The second I saw that cool sparkling water, I launched myself straight in. Absolute bliss. I paddled around happily, splashed my paws, and pranced through the shallows while the hoomans laughed at me. I had *zero* intention of leaving. Honestly, if they’d abandoned me there, I probably would’ve stayed forever living my best river dog life.

Sadly, eventually we had to climb the steep path back into town. On the way I spotted another German Shorthaired Pointer and got super excited because obviously we are elite-level dogs. I trotted over enthusiastically… and he barked at me.

Very rude.

What happened to professional courtesy?

Later I also passed a Vizsla. Honestly, it was basically *International Gundog Day*. Naturally, I was still the best looking one there.

The hoomans then found an ice cream café. I got very excited because I LOVE ice cream… but did I get any? Of course not. They sat enjoying giant cold desserts while I lay dramatically melting on the pavement beside them with one tiny dog treat. Life is cruel sometimes.

Afterwards we wandered through the shops and I even visited a giant Christmas store. There were breakable decorations EVERYWHERE. Readers, I manoeuvred through those aisles with the precision of an agility champion. Not one bauble harmed.

And then… it was time to leave Rothenburg.

I must admit, my opinion of the place completely changed today. Turns out all the good stuff—forests, rivers, trails and adventures—was hiding just outside the walls all along.

Then came another car journey. Thankfully there was only one quick charging stop today and, praise be, *no drama*.

The final drive lasted around three hours, so naturally I snoozed most of the way. But when I woke up about thirty minutes from our destination, I lifted my sleepy head and saw… SNOW-CAPPED MOUNTAINS.

Readers.

THIS is what I have been waiting for.

There were giant mountains, green fields, forests and cows wearing little bells around their necks. Actual storybook scenery. I could feel it deep in my paws… this was finally my kind of place. Well done, hoomans. You got there eventually.

We arrived somewhere called **Oberstdorf**. Dad went off to collect the apartment keys while Mum and I waited in the car watching doggos stroll past. Everyone looked outdoorsy and adventurous. My people.

Then we reached the apartment… and readers… I could hardly believe my eyes.

A HUGE apartment.
A balcony.
Space to zoom.

AND…

A SOFA.

I blinked twice to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating from heat exhaustion.

Naturally, Mum yelled, “Don’t put a paw on that sofa until the covers are on!” Honestly, she ruins everything. But the SECOND the covers were down, I launched myself aboard and melted into the cushions like royalty returning to his throne. Pure bliss.

Sadly, the hoomans then dragged me back out for dinner. They had schnitzel and beer while I supervised the street activity and watched people, birds and other dogs go past. One dog barked at me for absolutely no reason. Standard jealous behaviour.

Finally, we returned to the apartment where we all settled onto the glorious sofa to watch TV. Honestly, after three days of travelling, this was exactly the luxury lifestyle I deserve.

The hoomans have warned me I am *not* to perform night shift tonight… but unfortunately the neighbours upstairs have been stomping around like a herd of mountain goats, so I can’t promise anything.

Overall though?

A very successful day. Forests, rivers, mountains *and* sofas. We are finally getting this holiday back on track.