Adventures of Humphrey

04 June, 2026

This morning the hoomans woke ridiculously early and immediately started packing up the apartment.

Naturally, panic set in.

What if they forgot me?!

I know technically this is *my* holiday, but you simply cannot trust hoomans unsupervised around departure day chaos.

So I took matters into my own paws.

## Anti-Abandonment Operations

Dad tried to roll up my dog bed, but I strategically lay right in the middle of it to ensure I could not possibly be left behind.

Every single time Dad carried something down to the car without me, I paced dramatically around the apartment whining so they remembered I still existed.

Honestly, if I didn’t supervise these people, who knows what would happen.

Meanwhile, I also oversaw the spare hooman’s cleaning efforts, carefully inspecting every corner and nook of the apartment to ensure standards were maintained.

Eventually all three of us were safely loaded into the car.

Phew.

## Country Number… Honestly I’ve Lost Count

Today we were heading to Italy, but first we stopped in a country with a very suspiciously complicated name:

Liechtenstein.

Dad was *very* excited about this place and announced he’d “always wanted to visit.”

I decided to humour him and pretend I shared his enthusiasm.

The outskirts were very quiet and peaceful, but once we reached the town centre there was all sorts happening.

Apparently it was a holiday in this part of Europe, so there were brass bands playing loudly, people dressed in funny outfits, and crowds wandering everywhere having the time of their lives.

Naturally, I became the main attraction.

## International Celebrity Status

I strutted through town posing beside sculptures and charming tourists left, right, and centre.

The weather was perfect too — not too hot, not too cold — ideal conditions for showcasing my magnificent coat.

Honestly, I think I may now be one of Liechtenstein’s top attractions.

Move over mountain castles.

The hoomans stopped at a sushi restaurant where I met a lovely Dalmatian.

We exchanged polite greetings, then both settled down beside our respective hoomans like distinguished international travellers.

Thankfully my entourage had packed my blanket, so I lounged in comfort while the Dalmatian had to lie directly on the floor like some sort of amateur.

After a while I got bored and resumed my newest hobby:

Professional fly hunting.

My reflexes are unmatched.

## Ice Cream Success

After lunch the hoomans announced they were getting ice cream.

Now THIS is the kind of sightseeing I can support.

While we queued, I politely greeted the children in front of us and charmed everyone nearby with my excellent manners and devastating good looks.

Naturally, my hoomans finally cracked under the pressure and gave me the ends of both their cones.

Victory.

Creamy, delicious victory.

Honestly, sometimes you just have to wear them down slowly over the course of a holiday.

Then it was time for the long drive to Italy.

The roads wound dramatically up mountains and around steep bends. Honestly, my tummy wasn’t loving it.

Once we got past the particularly squiggly parts, I decided the safest option was to fall asleep and avoid listening to the dreadful carpool karaoke happening in the front seats.

If that singing continues much longer, I may report them to the authorities.

## Lake Como Panic

I woke up to Mum announcing:

“We’re in Lake Como!”

Immediately I panicked.

The last time the hoomans took me near a lake they attempted what they called “swimming lessons.”

I personally refer to it as:
*The Near-Drowning Incident.*

Then I looked outside.

This wasn’t a lake.

This was the BIGGEST WATER BOWL I HAVE EVER SEEN.

There were boats everywhere.

There was absolutely no chance I was going anywhere near that water.

Thankfully Mum assured me there would be “no swimming.”

Relief.

## George Clooney Has Competition

We checked into our B&B and sadly…

No sofa.

Honestly, when will these accommodation providers learn?

Then we headed down into town where Mum informed me that some celebrity called George Clooney lives in Lake Como.

Pah.

Move aside, George.

There’s a new celebrity in town and his name is Humphrey.

## Restaurant Injustice

At dinner I witnessed the single greatest betrayal of my life.

Another dog arrived at the restaurant with his hoomans…

…and then climbed directly onto the seat at the table like an actual person.

I blinked twice in disbelief.

The dog remained seated.

Meanwhile *I* was lying on the floor beside the table like some kind of peasant.

I stared accusingly at my hoomans while they pretended not to notice my outrage.

The injustice was staggering.

Thankfully I soon made friends with a lovely little Italian girl who gave me cuddles and tried to feed me food from the table.

Finally, someone around here understood my value.

Sadly the spoil-sport adults stopped her before any snacks reached my mouth.

Honestly, my entourage ruin everything.

Still, she entertained me nicely while the hoomans ate and chatted.

Eventually they announced it was time to leave, so I said “ciao” to my new admirer before we stopped for a final nightcap overlooking the lake.

Then came the uphill hike back to our accommodation.

At this point I suddenly remembered how tired I actually was.

Tomorrow we head to somewhere called Tuscany…

which sounds promising.

Hopefully it comes with sofas.

### Best Part of the Day:

Finally wearing the hoomans down enough to score the ends of their ice cream cones.

### Worst Part of the Day:

Discovering other dogs are apparently allowed to sit at restaurant tables while I remain floor-level royalty.