Adventures of Humphrey

05 June, 2026

Buongiorno readers,

Before we begin today’s adventures, I need to address last night’s *drama*. We stayed at a B&B where the lady owner, Mamma Anita, scolded Dad the second we arrived because apparently he “hadn’t told her” I was coming. Excuse me?! Dad *had* told her. He even paid my very reasonable 20-euro superstar appearance fee.

At first I thought she was talking about the spare hooman because, honestly, she’s the high-maintenance one. But no — she meant *me*. Then she asked if I was friendly.

Friendly?! Madam, I am an internationally adored gentleman. I don’t bite unlike your attitude.

Thankfully Anita’s husband was much nicer, and I charmed the other guests with ease. As usual.

The B&B itself had incredible views over Lake Como, but sweet mother of biscuits it was HOT. I spent most of the night kicking off my blanket, spinning around my bed searching for cold spots, and protecting the hoomans from suspicious corridor noises. None of us slept particularly well.

Dad took me for an early morning stroll by the lake before breakfast. We were standing peacefully admiring the scenery when a giant wave suddenly splashed up and soaked my paws.

I nearly launched myself into another postcode.

Dad laughed. Apparently my near-death experiences are “funny” now.

Lake Como and I continue to have a complicated relationship.

After breakfast we headed to a place called Varenna, and I must admit… it was beautiful. Bright sunshine, colourful buildings, lovely breeze. Very glamorous. We wandered along the waterfront while I greeted my adoring public and posed for approximately seventeen thousand photographs.

Then we visited the botanical gardens at Villa Monastero. Finally — some shade! The paths were cool and peaceful, although packed with hoomans. One woman actually stepped on my paw with a stiletto heel.

A STILETTO.

Who wears nightclub shoes to a garden?!

I yelped dramatically, obviously, because the injury deserved recognition.

After all my celebrity appearances we stopped for lunch. Every café was packed, but eventually the hoomans found a shady table with a lovely view. I collapsed onto the cool concrete floor and contemplated retirement from fame. Being this handsome is exhausting work.

Then came the long drive to Tuscany.

And when I say long… I mean *long*.

The hoomans stopped twice to charge the car and drink their usual gallons of coffee while I searched for every possible patch of shade. The heat today was next level. Even my ears felt tired.

Then came the greatest comedy performance of the trip so far.

At the Italian toll booth, Mum inserted the ticket… and the machine refused to accept it.

An Italian voice on the speaker kept saying:

“Read me the ticket.”

So Mum started reading *everything* printed on the ticket.

The machine repeated:
“READ. ME. THE. TICKET.”

Dad tried helping. Mum got flustered. Cars behind us started beeping. One woman on the speaker disappeared entirely. Dad eventually climbed out of the car and pressed the help button while Mum looked ready to drive through the barrier like an action movie stunt driver.

Dad calmly read the exact same thing Mum had said… and suddenly it worked.

Honestly, the incompetence around me is staggering sometimes.

Eventually — one hour later than planned — we finally arrived in Tuscany.

Readers…

THIS PLACE.

It’s a gigantic villa surrounded by hills, trees and countryside. There are multiple sofas. MULTIPLE. I almost cried.

And then… I heard them.

Other German Shorthaired Pointers.

Apparently the owners have GSPs too — including a two-year-old boy just like me! We didn’t get to meet properly because it was late, but I heard them making all the same dramatic noises I make, so I already know they’re my kind of people.

We explored the enormous property while the sun set over the Tuscan hills, and honestly? It felt magical.

The hoomans kept saying:
“This is exactly what we imagined Tuscany would be like.”

I don’t really know what Tuscany is supposed to be like… but if it includes giant villas, countryside smells, mountain views and enough sofas for a king, then I approve wholeheartedly.

Tomorrow I shall inspect the grounds properly and hopefully meet my new doggo companions.

Wish me luck.

Buona notte,
Humphrey x