Adventures of Humphrey

September 05, 2026


Hello again, fellow readers!

It’s me, Humphrey, international adventurer, professional good boy and apparently the only member of this household who takes his travel responsibilities seriously.

I’m off on another **Great Dogventure**!

This time we’re heading to **Denmark**, which means I get to tick another country off my ever-growing list of places I’ve sniffed. Apparently Denmark even has *dedicated dog forests*.

DOG.

FOREST.

Readers, I have extremely high expectations.

Of course, the hoomans have decided we can’t simply fly straight there because apparently that would be too easy, so we’re stopping in Northern Germany on the way and the Netherlands on the way home.

More countries.

More sniffing.

More opportunities for me to be adored.

Excellent.

This morning the hoomans woke me at **6am**.

On a Saturday.

SIX. AM.

It’s bad enough that the spare hooman drags me out of bed at dawn during the week for something called “work”, but waking me when it’s practically still nighttime on my day off is outrageous.

However, yesterday evening I did notice Dad packing all my belongings into the car, so I decided it was probably wise not to give them too much sass.

I didn’t want them reconsidering the guest list.

Once we were all packed, off we headed towards the boat. As usual, I breezed through the whole process like the seasoned traveller I am.

When we approached the port, I prepared my blanket for the inevitable hooman abandonment and settled myself into the car.

Sure enough, they left me.

But honestly, I didn’t mind.

It gave me two uninterrupted hours of beauty sleep.

The crossing flew by and before I knew it, the hoomans were back and we rolled off the boat in Scotland.

Then something wonderful happened.

They took me to one of my favourite places…

**Castle Kennedy.**

Now *this* is how you start an adventure.

We passed the big dogs (the horses)— and I kept a respectable distance because, as regular readers know, I remain slightly suspicious of those enormous four-legged creatures.

Then we entered the forest.

My happy place.

My kingdom.

My natural habitat.

And readers…

**I WAS OFF LEAD.**

My recall has apparently improved enough that the hoomans trusted me to roam free, so I zoomed through the trees, chased sticks, sniffed everything within a ten-mile radius and generally demonstrated what a magnificent sporting dog I am.

I was having the time of my life.

Then, after approximately thirty minutes…

The hoomans stopped.

“It’s time to go.”

Excuse me?

**WHAT ACTUAL NONSENSE.**

I’d only just started.

I was devastated.

But apparently there was a long drive ahead, so back into the car I went.

And drove.

And drove.

And drove some more.

We stopped at our usual places for coffee and snacks.

For the hoomans.

Obviously.

If you’re new around here, you should know that my hoomans have a serious and possibly incurable addiction to coffee. Every time we stop, they disappear in search of caffeine while I am expected to sit patiently and supervise.

At least I get to stretch my legs.

At one stop we met some lovely hoomans who also have GSPs. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to meet their dogs, which was a missed opportunity because obviously we would have become instant best friends.

However, the lady did give me something far more important…

A **buffalo chew**.

It was spectacular.

The hoomans said it absolutely stunk.

I said it smelled like heaven.

I don’t understand why hoomans have such terrible noses.

After a quick chat, we continued our journey towards tonight’s boat.

We arrived, boarded and found our cabin.

Naturally, this pedigree superstar travels in style.

No kennels.

No cages.

Just Humphrey in his own private cabin.

Although, as usual, it was tiny.

You couldn’t swing a cat.

Not that I’d want to swing a cat.

They’re terrifying.

Then came the dreaded exercise area.

Readers…

It remains **truly grosse**.

Unfortunately, I really needed to pee, so I had no choice but to lower my standards.

I sprinted in.

Pee’d as quickly as possible.

And got the hell out of there.

That is NOT a social area.

No matter how enthusiastically the ferry company tries to market it.

Dad then left me in charge of the spare hooman while he went off to get food.

I was not impressed.

I had been expecting to relax after my long day, but apparently I had another security assignment.

Still, I performed my duties admirably and guarded the spare hooman to the highest possible standard until Dad returned.

And then…

**PIZZA.**

It smelled incredible.

We are on holiday.

Surely this means Humphrey gets one tiny bite?

Nope.

Nothing.

Not even a crumb.

I would like to officially lodge my first grievance of the trip.

Eventually we all settled down in the tiny cabin.

The spare hooman refused to let me sleep on her bed despite my repeated attempts to negotiate.

Honestly, I don’t know why I bother.

So I curled up in my own bed and settled down for the night.

I am absolutely exhausted after today’s travels.

Tomorrow we’re heading to **Lüneburg in Northern Germany** — apparently my ancestral homeland.

I have absolutely no idea what that means, but I am expecting big things.

There had better be forests.

There had better be interesting smells.

There had better be doggos.

And most importantly…

There had better NOT be an entire day spent sitting in a car.

I shall report back tomorrow.

These hoomans require constant supervision.

**Goodnight from the open seas,**

**Humphrey x** 🐾