Adventures of Humphrey

06 September 2026

Hello again, fellow readers!

Well, after yesterday’s epic journey, I was hoping for a nice long lie-in and a relaxing start to the day.

But no.

At 5:15am, I was awake.

Now, before you judge me, I would like to make it very clear that this was not my fault.

There were strange noises coming from above my head and, as the official security officer of this travelling party, I had no choice but to investigate.

The hoomans needed protecting.

You’re welcome.

Once everyone was safely guarded, I did eventually get some more sleep, and then I discovered something rather exciting on my morning constitutionals…

A MASSIVE DOG!

Apparently he was a Pyrenean Mountain Dog. Personally, I thought he was the biggest retriever I’d ever seen, but what do I know? I’m only a professional dog.

Anyway, despite his enormous size, we became friends.

Excellent start to the morning.

Eventually we got off the boat and I was extremely excited.

New country.

New smells.

New adventures.

I couldn’t wait to see what the hoomans had planned.

Unfortunately, dear readers…

THEY HAD PLANNED A DAY OF DRIVING.

And driving.

And more driving.

And then some additional driving, just to make sure I really understood how much driving was involved.

Honestly.

I came all this way for an adventure and apparently my role was to sit in the back of a car and watch the scenery go past.

The hoomans did stop several times for coffee, which they like to call their “charging spots.”

Nice try.

They are not fooling anyone.

Eventually, after approximately seventeen million coffees, we arrived in Lüneburg.

I leapt out of the car in excitement…

…until I saw the hotel.

A HOTEL.

My heart sank.

Another building.

However, things improved considerably when we checked in and I discovered that the hoomans had actually splashed out and booked a room with something extremely important.

A SOFA.

Suddenly, Lüneburg was looking much more promising.

The hotel is surrounded by water, which initially I thought was rather unfortunate because I’m not entirely convinced by water.

But then I discovered something magnificent.

A VIEWING PLATFORM.

And from there I could watch…

DUCKS.

And…

PIGEONS.

Readers, I could hardly believe my luck.

Free television!

Dad opened the window and immediately decided he needed to supervise me in case I got any ideas about launching myself into the river after the ducks or pigeons.

Honestly, these hoomans are finally learning.

They know I have a strong prey drive and absolutely no respect for their plans.

Meanwhile, Dad and the spare hooman sat on the little perch enjoying some complimentary liquid called Prosecco.

I would like to point out that there was absolutely nothing complimentary for me.

Not a treat.

Not a snack.

Not even a tiny sample.

Do these people not realise I’m a VIP?

I feel this will need to be addressed.

Eventually we headed out to explore Lüneburg.

And I have to admit, it is rather lovely.

It’s a small German city with beautiful quaint buildings, cobbled streets and a very sophisticated atmosphere.

Perfect for me, obviously.

I was able to strut my stuff through the streets while being admired by the locals.

I do try to represent the breed properly.

We stopped at a pub for dinner, although once again I would like to note that the hoomans seemed to be having a considerably better culinary experience than I was.

After dinner we wandered around the town while the hoomans took photographs of buildings.

BORING.

I tried to look interested, but frankly, a building is a building.

Then suddenly…

We found something wonderful.

A HUGE PARK.

Wide open spaces.

Grass.

Trees.

Room to run.

And then the hoomans did something I greatly approve of.

They let me OFF LEAD.

Readers, I was gone.

I chased sticks.

I zoomed.

I ran.

I sniffed.

I chased some more.

I generally behaved like the magnificent sporting specimen I am.

I kept going until I was completely punctured.

Absolutely exhausted.

Then, naturally, just when I was having a wonderful time, two dogs came running over.

One of them decided to have a bit of an attitude problem and started snapping and growling at me.

Honestly.

Typical behaviour on these trips.

I didn’t rise to it.

I’m far too mature for such nonsense.

Although I would like it noted that I could have absolutely won that argument.

After all that excitement, we stopped at a wine place, where I curled up underneath the table and had a little snooze while the hoomans drank more liquid.

Honestly, I’m beginning to think this trip is less about Germany and more about keeping the hoomans supplied with beverages.

Eventually we headed back to the hotel.

It was dark by then, so unfortunately there was no more duck or pigeon television.

A tragedy.

Instead, I settled myself onto the sofa, which at least restored some dignity to the evening.

I am absolutely shattered after today’s adventures.

Although I feel I should make it clear that tomorrow there had better be more walking and considerably less driving.

I did not travel all the way to Germany to become a back-seat passenger.

Tomorrow, I expect forests, fields, interesting smells and preferably some more off-lead running.

It’s exhausting being this fabulous.

Goodnight, readers.

Humphrey x 🐾