Adventures of Humphrey

11 September 2026

Hello again, fellow readers!

Well, we all woke up this morning feeling wonderfully rested.

And, readers…

THE HOOMANS HAD HOT SHOWERS!

Finally!

After several days of being slightly more fragrant than usual, normal hygiene has been restored to the household.

Things were looking up.

The spare hooman took me outside to do my morning business when suddenly…

WHAT THE ACTUAL WAS THAT?!

There was a strange thing moving around in the neighbours’ garden.

It was creeping around all by itself.

No hooman.

No lead.

No collar.

Nothing.

I was freaked out.

Mum informed me it was a robot lawnmower.

A robot.

Lawnmower.

Excuse me?

Why is it allowed to roam around freely?

Why isn’t it on a lead?

And where is its owner?!

It was extremely distracting while I was trying to conduct my morning business.

I kept one eye on it at all times.

What if it came into our garden?

The spare hooman assured me there was a fence and it couldn’t get to me.

I’m not convinced.

I don’t think she can be trusted on this matter.

Eventually we headed inside, and then, as if the morning hadn’t already been exciting enough, a gigantic rabbit — apparently called a hare — came sprinting through the garden.

The hoomans said it was lucky timing.

I say it was a missed opportunity.

I LOVE chasing rabbits.

Why must the hoomans always ruin my fun?

We also saw a baby deer yesterday while we were out walking, so there are clearly loads of fascinating creatures around here.

Unfortunately, the hoomans insist on curtailing my wildlife adventures by putting me on a lead.

Honestly, I could be the next David Attenborough if they’d just let me get on with it.

Once the hoomans were ready, we headed into town for breakfast.

We had a lovely stroll around Faaborg, admiring all the sights and the quaint Danish buildings before stopping at a bakery.

The hoomans had breakfast.

And by breakfast, I mean they stuffed their faces with delicious baked goods while I watched.

Again.

I’m beginning to notice a theme on this holiday.

Still, onwards we went.

And then we arrived at somewhere called the Funen Alps.

Now, readers, I’ve been to the German Alps, Italian Alps and Swiss Alps.

So I was expecting mountains.

Big mountains.

Snowy mountains.

Proper mountains.

Instead…

FOREST.

That’s it.

No mountains.

Not even a little hill worthy of the name.

I think whoever named this place had an excellent sense of humour.

Still, it was a lovely big forest and we headed off for a long hike.

Unfortunately, I was once again attached to the dreaded bungee lead.

I protested loudly.

I made my feelings very clear.

Then, halfway along the path…

We encountered THE COW.

And readers, this was no ordinary cow.

It was enormous.

We approached it.

It didn’t move.

Dad, apparently unaware of the potential danger, simply marched me straight past it like this was a perfectly normal thing to do.

Then the spare hooman walked past.

And the cow THUMPED ITS HOOF INTO THE GROUND.

Now, fortunately, the spare hooman had already had her morning caffeine.

Otherwise, I suspect she may have had some strong words with the cow.

A group of Danish people nearby then pointed out something rather important…

IT WAS A BULL.

And apparently we should have maintained a 25-metre distance.

Oh.

Whoops.

Nobody told us!

There we were, casually strutting past this enormous bull like we owned the place while everyone else was climbing through the woods to avoid it.

Dad later said he was very glad I hadn’t decided to give it any sass.

Apparently that could have ended rather badly.

I would like to point out that I showed remarkable maturity and restraint.

Once we realised quite how dangerous the situation could have been, I was actually rather happy to remain on my lead.

There were also electric fences everywhere.

Now, regular readers may remember that I have previously been electrocuted at an Airbnb while attempting to say hello to some Highland cows.

I have no desire to repeat that experience.

So I kept a respectful distance.

We eventually had a lovely, long and completely incident-free hike.

No bulls.

No electric shocks.

No angry cows.

Success!

Afterwards we visited a really cool windmill, and the hoomans also stopped at a lovely church.

They left me in the car for that one.

RUDE.

I’m perfectly capable of appreciating architecture.

Eventually we headed back to our accommodation for a little rest.

But apparently the hoomans had consumed far too much caffeine today because there was NO TIME FOR A NAP.

Instead, they took me to a massive field at the end of the street.

And readers…

I WAS OFF LEAD.

There was SO much space.

We played fetch for ages and I sprinted around like a furry missile until I was absolutely exhausted.

It was glorious.

Then, just when I thought I could finally collapse…

A DANDER TO THE SEA.

I think the hoomans had completely lost the plot.

There was no time to snooze.

No time to recover.

Just more walking.

Next thing I knew, we were heading out for dinner, stopping at a car charging station on the way.

And then I spotted something very exciting…

A PET SHOP.

The hoomans took me inside and bought me a NEW TOY!

Finally.

Someone is acknowledging my VIP status.

We then headed to the harbour for dinner, where I was very happy because I could spend the evening seagull watching.

Excellent entertainment.

Unfortunately, we sat outside for ages and…

NOBODY CAME TO TAKE OUR ORDER.

We waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Eventually we gave up and left.

We tried a few other places around town, but apparently nobody wanted to serve hoomans and their handsome dog outside.

So we returned to the fancy restaurant from last night.

And readers…

I WAS ADORED.

A lovely older gentleman came over and fussed over me for ages.

He used to have a Doberman Pinscher, but sadly his dog had died of old age.

Then he met his wife…

Who is ALLERGIC TO DOGS.

Can you believe it?!

What a terrible twist of fate.

Apparently he now dog-sits occasionally, so naturally I gave him all my best tail wags, cuddles and excitement.

He was clearly delighted.

As were all the other patrons and waiters, who also spent considerable time admiring me.

Honestly, I really do bring a lot to the dining experience.

The hoomans eventually devoured their steak burgers while I enjoyed the far more important experience of being adored.

Then we headed home.

Dad lit the fire and I climbed onto the sofa.

And readers…

I was DONE.

I was so tired that I was even too exhausted to properly play with my brand-new toy.

I gave it a quick inspection…

A little sniff…

A brief assessment…

And then retired to the sofa for a long snooze.

It has been a very busy day.

Actually…

It’s been a very busy week.

I’ve explored forests, lakes, beaches, towns, met loads of doggos, chased sticks, avoided bulls, survived robot lawnmowers and been generally fabulous across Denmark.

Tomorrow we’re off to a BIG CITY.

Apparently it’s called Copenhagen.

Now, I’m not usually a huge fan of cities.

Too many hoomans.

Too many cars.

Not enough forests.

But perhaps Copenhagen will surprise me.

I’m sure I’ll find something interesting to sniff, chase or complain about.

Until then, readers…

Goodnight!

Humphrey x 🐾🇩🇰