Adventures of Humphrey

15 September 2026

Readers, I have excellent news.

I slept like a log last night. 😴

The spare hooman was a very happy lady this morning. Apparently I was much less disruptive than the previous night. Funny that — give me a proper-sized apartment with enough room to turn around and suddenly everyone gets a good night’s sleep. Coincidence? I think not.

We got up and headed out for breakfast. There was a bakery nearby, which sounded extremely promising.

Of course, I got nothing.

Same old story.

Apparently the hoomans are allowed to eat delicious baked goods while I sit there looking handsome and hungry. I really don’t understand the rules of this holiday.

After breakfast, we headed out to do some sightseeing.

First stop was a hospital that looked like a church. Very confusing architecture, if you ask me.

The spare hooman went inside, while Dad took me for a coffee because apparently my paws aren’t holy enough to go in.

Then we went to another church, and the spare hooman took ages. Dad and I went and sat in a courtyard, but thankfully there was something to keep me occupied:

PIGEONS.

Lots and lots of pigeons. 🐦

I stalked them very carefully while Dad supervised. Much more interesting than churches.

Eventually the spare hooman came back, and then Dad left me with her for ages.

Can you believe that?!

I was not happy.

When Dad finally returned, I gave him a proper telling-off in the square. And when I say proper, I mean LOUD. So loud that everyone around us was looking.

That’ll teach him.

I officially do not like this tour. Why can’t we all just stay together? Surely that’s not too much to ask.

Thankfully, the rest of the tour involved something much more interesting: hidden courtyards.

Lübeck is absolutely full of them. You wander through what looks like an ordinary street and suddenly there’s a little courtyard tucked away behind it. Much better than standing around looking at churches.

After a LOT of walking, we finally found a cafe where we could have a rest.

And guess what?

There were other GSPs!

Obviously I inspected them from afar.

They were nice enough, but readers, let’s be honest…

Nowhere near as handsome as me.

And certainly not of my pedigree. I watched them carefully while maintaining the dignity expected of a professional model.

Then the strangest thing imaginable happened.

We went down to the river’s edge and Dad suddenly tossed me into a boat.

WHAT?!

Then the hoomans climbed in and Dad started DRIVING THE BOAT.

I was completely freaked out.

Since when can Dad drive a boat?! When did he pass his test? Was he qualified?! Had anyone checked his licence?!

I climbed onto the seat and realised I could actually touch the water with my paws.

No thank you.

This was absolutely not my idea of fun.

After conducting a quick survey of my surroundings, I made the only sensible decision available to me.

I climbed on top of the spare hooman and clung on for dear life.

If I was going overboard, she was coming with me.

And I would be using her as my personal buoyancy aid. 🛟🐾

For the next hour, the hoomans sat there exclaiming about how lovely and peaceful everything was.

Lovely?!

Peaceful?!

I was busy contemplating my mortality!

Eventually, thankfully, it was time to dock.

I clambered off the boat onto the wobbly deck, which was another completely unnecessary test of my nerves, before finally reaching solid ground.

SAFETY AT LAST.

After that little episode of excitement — or what I would personally describe as a near-death experience — we headed through a park where dogs are allowed off lead.

Well, after what I’d just been through, the hoomans could at least give me that.

So I played fetch and had a good run around.

It had also become very warm — 26 degrees! — and after all the walking and my maritime trauma, I was absolutely exhausted.

We finally made it back to the apartment and I crashed.

The hoomans, meanwhile, watched TV.

Honestly, where do they get their energy from?

I was barely conscious and they were still going.

Then, somehow, it was time to go out for dinner.

We walked into town and the hoomans chose an Indian restaurant called Namaste.

And — hallelujah! — I was allowed inside.

I was delighted because, quite frankly, all I wanted to do was lie somewhere warm and have a snooze.

The hoomans ordered their meals and wine, and everything seemed perfectly normal.

Until…

The waiter came over with the wine and went to put it on the table.

The edge of the glass caught the table.

CRASH!

The glass smashed and wine went absolutely everywhere.

Half of it landed in the spare hooman’s lap, the glass smashed and she cut her hand.

And then there was me.

I was lying peacefully under the table, minding my own business, when suddenly an entire glass of wine poured over me.

I scrambled up in complete confusion.

The poor Indian waiter was extremely apologetic, especially to me, which I appreciated. We quickly moved tables while they cleaned up all the broken glass.

They brought over a fresh glass of wine, but the spare hooman was left sitting in wine-soaked jeans for the rest of the meal.

As an apology, they gave us a free dessert.

Unfortunately for the spare hooman, it was cold custard and pineapple.

Her two least favourite foods.

She ate it anyway, purely out of politeness.

Now THAT is dedication.

Eventually dinner was finished and Dad went to pay.

Except…

The waiter said cash only.

So Dad left us behind and went off to find a cash machine.

Again.

I was not impressed.

After everything we’d been through that day, he had the audacity to leave me AGAIN.

I protested.

And when I say protested, I mean I protested LOUDLY.

So loudly that the spare hooman was getting embarrassed.

Eventually Dad came back, thankfully, and all was right with the world again.

We paid and headed back to the apartment.

I found myself a nice spot on the sofa, curled up and went straight to sleep while the hoomans watched more TV.

I am absolutely exhausted.

Today I’ve survived churches, pigeons, being abandoned, a boat, potential drowning, 26-degree heat, miles of walking and being covered in wine.

Quite frankly, I deserve a medal.

Tomorrow we’re off to the Netherlands for the final few days of our trip. It’s going to be a long journey, so I’m very much looking forward to recharging my batteries.

Preferably somewhere with a sofa.

And no boats.

Goodnight, readers. Humphrey x 🐾