Adventures of Humphrey

16 & 17 September 2026

Well readers, the final leg of our European adventure has begun!

Yesterday we checked out of Lübeck, had some breakfast and then got into the car for what can only be described as **the never-ending journey**.

We drove.

And drove.

And drove.

And then, just when I thought we’d be driving forever, we finally arrived in **Haarlem, Netherlands**.

Haarlem is a lovely little city with canals everywhere, and after all that driving I was very pleased to get out of the car.

We checked into our hotel and, yes readers…

**ANOTHER HOTEL.**

But this one was very **boujee**.

We had a suite, complete with a **sofa**, so I was immediately happy. But the best part?

They had actually provided **my own bed, water bowls AND a treat!**

Now THAT is how you welcome a VIP guest.

Very respectful, Haarlem. ⭐🐾

We headed out to explore and I was pleased to see lots of **big dogs like me** wandering around the city. Finally, some appropriately sized friends!

We went to a brewery for dinner, although unfortunately we had to sit outside and it was a little cold. Once the hoomans had finished their food, I snuggled up on Dad’s lap until it was time to head back.

Back at the hotel, we had a drink in the lobby.

Well, **the hoomans** had a drink.

I’m too young.

I settled down on the carpet instead and promptly went to sleep. Apparently a resident cat came over to say hello, but I was far too busy snoozing and completely missed it.

Probably for the best. I had important sleeping to do.

I slept like a log and woke up in desperate need of the toilet, so the spare hooman took me to the park around the corner.

Once the hoomans were ready, I assumed we were going for breakfast.

But NO.

They took me to the **VETS AGAIN**.

WHY?!

Honestly, readers, how many times must I endure this betrayal?!

We got called in and I immediately made my position clear:

**”No thank you. I’m good. Nothing wrong here.”**

The vet tried to bribe me.

I looked at her like she was an amateur.

**Lady, stop. This is not my first rodeo.**

I refused her bribe.

So she opened my mouth and **shoved the poison inside**.

Very rude.

Then she tried the bribe again.

Still no.

I stood firmly by the door, making it very clear that I was ready to leave.

Thankfully, she decided I didn’t need a full once-over, so she did the paperwork and we got out of there **like lightning**.

Another **hooman violation** successfully completed.

After that trauma, we walked through a park and finally went for breakfast.

We found a lovely cafe where we could sit **inside**, which was perfect because it was a cold, grey morning and I was very grateful to be somewhere warm.

The waitress came over and took the hoomans’ order.

I sat directly in front of her, ready to place my order.

I was thinking **sausages**.

She did not ask me.

Instead, she brought me some water.

This keeps happening!

It’s like I’m **invisible**.

I am literally sitting right there. Surely someone must have noticed the handsome dog waiting patiently to order breakfast?!

After breakfast, we headed to **Zaanse Schans**.

Readers, it was absolutely packed with hoomans.

And there were lots of those strange things that turn in the wind…

**Windmills.**

There were windmills everywhere.

Personally, I found it all a little boring.

But then I spotted something much more interesting.

**DUCKS.**

Everywhere!

Just casually wandering around as if they owned the place.

Now, I get VERY excited around ducks and birds, but I knew these ones weren’t to be chased. So I watched them carefully while **vibrating with excitement and restraint**.

It was extremely difficult.

There were also some very strange creatures with **massive horns**.

Dad said they were goats.

Well, they weren’t anything like the little goats I met in Tuscany.

These were **bigger than me!**

We wandered past the windmills while the hoomans kept disappearing inside various buildings.

Apparently, I wasn’t allowed in.

**Rude.**

I mean, who doesn’t want a handsome GSP exploring their historic buildings?

We then went for a walk around the surrounding meadow, which was much more enjoyable. Unfortunately, there were bridges with horrible metal bits on them that were very difficult to negotiate with my paws.

The struggle is real, readers.

Once we’d had a nice walk and escaped the crowds, we headed to our next stop, **Zaandam**.

And then…

**THE ESCALATOR.**

Now, I thought I had mastered these things.

But when an escalator is suddenly sprung on you with absolutely no warning, there is simply no way you can be expected to negotiate it gracefully.

The hoomans stopped to take pictures of a very colourful building, and there was also a canal containing an **enormous amount of green sludge**.

Naturally, Dad wouldn’t let me drink it.

Spoil sport.

So I watched the ducks swimming through it instead. They seemed perfectly happy with the sludge, so clearly someone is enjoying it.

We headed off for lunch and I met a lovely, friendly Staffie called **Kiera**.

We became fast friends almost immediately.

Finally, a doggo who understands me!

Eventually her hoomans and mine had finished lunch, so we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.

By this point, the rain was absolutely **bouncing down**.

And, because apparently the Netherlands wanted to make things difficult, we had to wait for some stupid boats to cross before we could continue.

It took ages.

We got absolutely soaked.

We eventually got back into the car and headed back to the hotel to shelter from the weather.

The rain lasted for ages and, unfortunately, the hotel was making lots of noises.

Obviously, I had to investigate.

I kept barking because clearly **the other guests were trying to get into our room and kill the hoomans**.

Someone has to protect them.

Eventually, we went down to the lobby for some drinks, where I could do some excellent people-watching.

Much more civilised.

I greeted some fellow guests, then settled down on the carpet beside the hoomans for a while.

The hoomans were sitting on a **lovely sofa**.

I was not allowed up.

Honestly, I do not understand these sofa rules.

Why don’t the hoomans simply put **my covers on every sofa** so that I can snuggle up beside them?

It’s a complete injustice.

**Stupid rules.** 😤

Eventually Mum went and got my water and treats from my bag, and suddenly life was good again.

We stayed in the lobby until the bad weather finally passed, then headed out for dinner.

The hoomans wanted something called **sushi**, but the restaurant wasn’t dog-friendly inside and wasn’t serving outside either.

So they settled on an Asian fusion restaurant called **Bambu**.

And the best thing was…

**I WAS ALLOWED INSIDE!**

They were seated at high tables, but I managed just fine.

Everyone was lovely and I was, naturally, very well behaved.

The hoomans had their dinner while I relaxed underneath them.

Then, as we were leaving…

**THE RAIN WAS BOUNCING AGAIN.**

We got soaked.

We had planned to go to the park afterwards, but it was far too wet.

And honestly?

**I didn’t mind one bit.**

I hate the rain.

So we went straight back to the hotel.

I climbed into bed, the hoomans watched TV and I settled in for the night.

The hoomans did mention something about me going outside to do my business before bed.

Absolutely not.

**FORGET IT.**

I’ve had enough.

I’ve travelled all the way from Germany to the Netherlands, survived another vet, battled escalators, investigated windmills, resisted ducks, endured rain and been denied green sludge.

I’m staying in bed.

Goodnight, readers.

**Humphrey x 🐾**